For a class project, senior Business and Technology major Timothy Stone found that Snevets would save several thousand dollars per year by renting potted plants that are already dead. “The obliterating wind, cold, and longboard traffic are enough to tip any cost-benefit analysis into the red. As far as I’m concerned, money on living plants is money down the drain,” warned Stone.
According to the senior, lifeless plants would reduce both upfront and auxiliary costs. “Sure, the product is cheaper. But now we have a reason to pay Physical Plant less than we already do,” he chuckled.
Professors couldn’t be more proud of the student. “I could hardly walk through the Howe Center roundabout without contemplating the fleeting nature of existence, the bleak eternity pressing just behind the innocent pastel petals. Now I don’t have to think about that,” said Dr. Steenmann, who teaches Stone’s 400-level Bioethics class. Dr. Billy Middlemon added, “It’s not heartless. It’s Utilitarianism!” Dr. Andieson, for her part, was pleased to see Stone using terms like ‘cost-benefit analysis’ in an interview.
The administration is looking to extend Stone’s proposal to include trees and grass. The money, they believe, could go towards bigger, louder speakers in Colonel John’s. “Imagine the looks on their faces when Ed Sheeran’s ‘In Love With Your Body’ starts blasting overhead in 900-watt, glass-shattering perfection. They’re going to wish the flowers were dead all along,” tittered a gleeful QAPS director.
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