It is with great sadness that the Stupe must report that our Editor in Chief, Maryia Spiranovum, has passed away this past week, in what can only be described as an honorable death on the field of battle. Our faithful Editor had been a member of the Stupe for years, first serving as Managing Editor until she later became Editor in Chief in the time when we needed her the most.
When SITTV declared an all-out media war on the Stupe, many thought it was some sort of joke, but not Maryia Spirenovella. Banter was exchanged, and both sides published reviews of the other, as well as propaganda to turn uninvolved people to their side. But it was when the E-Boards demanded ritual combat that things became complicated.
The Stupe E-Board, led by Maryia Spiridonovan herself, marched forward on Palmer Lawn, decked out in full battle armor. The SITTV crew was there waiting, but, defying the rules of Ritual Combat, the entire club was present, not just the E-Board. It was a dishonorable ambush. Outnumbered and quickly surrounded, the Stupe E-Board did the only thing they could: fight their way out.
The battle lasted for only 65 seconds. Maryia Spirallingfrenzy defeated the entire enemy E-board whilst her comrades held off the rest of the club, sparing them mercifully one by one. But after the ritual combat had clearly ended, the entire SITTV E-Board already having yielded, the rest of the club fought on.
Leaderless and fighting only for vengeance, it was a force not even Maryia Speardodger could defeat. In order to save the rest of her E-Board, she sacrificed herself, which gave time for the Stupe E-Board to escape. Peace was made between the two factions with the Stupe having clearly won the war, despite losing the most.
Emergency Elections will be held at the regularly scheduled GBM next week, Tuesday at 9 p.m. in the Stupe office. The paper will go on. It’s what Maryia Superioreditor would have wanted.
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