While it’s true that my options for places to go in Hoboken have exploded since I turned 21, pub/tavern food is all very classic. Burgers, fries, and other deep-fried comfort foods dominate the menus and while I’m sure someone is wondering which bar has the best triple-decker cheese slammer burger, that’s not a question I think needs answering. So, in light of my lack of imagination and going out way too late to go anywhere else, I found myself at the Spa Diner, right behind CVS on Hudson Street.
Diners are probably the only good thing to come out of the 1950s. Just the word itself brings to mind 3 a.m. food runs after a long night of adventuring. Reliable, usually cheap, and always meeting a basic standard of satiation, diners have that late-night-dive charm seamlessly mixed with family friendliness. In addition, through some diner Illuminati agreement, all diners have the same set-up even as far as the layout of the menus is concerned; that said, Spa Diner’s designated color is blue.
Looking at the menu, I was surprised to see how cheap the prices actually were. A deluxe burger for $6.75?? I was overcome by the realization I was being shammed by my hometown diner. Looking on through my disappointment, my sadness was compounded by the lack of INCREDIBLY BOUJEE SEAFOOD ENTREES. I know no one has (hopefully) ever ordered octopus at a diner, but to just entirely leave it off the menu? They technically had jumbo shrimp, but they were reasonably priced so I didn’t count it. Once I came to, my iconic ChemBio™ colleague and I settled on the Philadelphia cheese steak, the California deluxe burger, the macaroni cheese wedges, a strawberry milkshake, and a interesting drink called “decaffeinated Sanka.”
After I received what seemed like a sad cup of coffee, I googled what Sanka was really was, and to everyone who already knows what Sanka is, yes I felt clownish; Sanka is a brand of decaffeinated instant powder coffee. There is no such thing as caffeinated Sanka. Fortunately, the macaroni cheese wedges were to-die-for and their triangle shapes were the closest I was getting to a dinosaur chicken nugget on this excursion. The milkshake was also great; it was incredibly thick with added little chunks of strawberry in it. After the opening round, the main entrees came out, and while the presentation may have been a little on the weak side, it all got the job done. The burger was exactly what I expected of bottom-line satisfaction, the fries were pretty good, and any shortcomings were easily overcome by a liberal amount of ketchup. The Philly cheese steak also exceeded my expectations, in that the beef itself wasn’t rubbery or tasteless. The seasonings and sauteed onions brought it all together, in spite of the fact that the “cheese” part was a lonely kraft single. I… actually highly recommend everything.
Like the paper towel you accidentally ended up writing your notes on, there’s nothing glorious about the Spa Diner and your parents will probably be a little disappointed in you if you tell them about this. If you wanted a presentation, a five-star meal, or really anything above the bare minimum, don’t come here. That said, if you know what you’re about, there’s no better place in Hoboken to eat a lot and on the cheap. The best part? They’re open until 3 a.m.!
Location 3/5
Service 3/5
Food 3/5
Price 0.5/$$$$
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