I feel like I’ve been a different person since I’ve come to Stevens. This past week, I was actually a little sad about it. Especially since I realized that I may have turned into a bad person.
For example, this might sound really bad, but I haven’t called my mother once since I moved in. Because I live in South Jersey, and my family usually take trips up north in this area, they’ve actually stopped by to visit me three times already. So I’ve seen them, and some days we send short text messages. But I don’t feel like talking to them or updating them on my daily life here at Stevens. This is weird because my family is super close-knit. Living away from them has made me detached. I haven’t even had any desire to go home for the weekend (aside from the idea of showering without flip flops). I’m just not homesick at all. It’s surprising to me.
Another thing that has changed is my academic performance. I was a straight ‘A’ student at my high school. Now, I don’t hold myself to high expectations. It’s like the perfectionist inside of me has somehow died. I literally failed my first Calc II exam, and I didn’t burst into flames or tears. I just accepted my grade and now I’m studying my butt off for the second exam. So it’s really strange to me how I don’t care as much about my grades as I had.
Okay, so maybe I haven’t turned into a bad person. I just feel like I’m not who I used to be. And I definitely don’t hold myself to the same standards as I had just a few months ago. It’s confusing me. Maybe I’m growing up?
Does anyone else feel that they’ve changed?
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