This week, all undergraduate squirrels gathered in Palmer Lawn in outrage over recent issues regarding Snevets On-Campus Housing against Palmer Lawn’s own rodent residents. The leader of this response, Bushy But Not Too Bushy Tailed Squirrel, decided he/she/it wanted to share a few words with us. After hours of deciding amongst the 14 Palmer Lawn residents who is the right Mr./Ms./Chancellor Bushy but not too Bushy Tailed Squirrel, we, here at the Stupe, managed to get a few words from the rodent resident.
“Squeek squeeker squak squeek.” outraged Bushy but not too Bushy Tailed Squirrel. “Squeeeeeeeeek squeek squack squeek.”
We at the Stupe apologize for Mr./Ms./Chancellor But Not Too Bushy Tailed Squirrel’s vulgar words.
After careful translation, it turns out the outcome of the lottery numbers assigned to each Snevets Resident has been the main reason for this outrage.
“It is unfair that we, the rodents of Palmer Lawn, were assigned freshman Lotto numbers.” said surprisingly literate squirrel, Mr. That One Squirrel That Chases Other Squirrels. “We have been on this campus since before the Ten Year Plan was established twenty years ago.”
Resident Director Snevet Couras had a few words to say to the movement.
“Squeek squeeker squak!” proclaimed Resident Director Snevet Couras at the protesters.
As impressed as we are here in the Stupe of Mr. Couras’s ability to communicate with squirrels, it is unfortunate that his last words have done all but settle the Palmer Lawn residents’ outrage.